Albuquerque Flying Breakfast Burrito Club

my new crush...

2007-01-10T18:26:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0wcnKOfsu0&eurl=

aids aids aids

2006-09-12T20:00:00.000-06:00

the other thing, i can´t believe i forgot to tell you this, there isn´t a group that would appreciate it more. the first day we got to san cristobal we were exhasted and found our way to the tv and computer room. no shit, someone put ´´team america´´ in right as we walked in. isn´t that great? i had to come to mexico to see the whole movie.

Pining for green chiles

2006-09-10T13:58:00.000-06:00

The other day Kate was over at our new place and had brought along an ad for a restaurant she found. It read, "Green chile, green chile, green chile! A million New Mexicans can't be wrong!" It was the highlight of my day. Needless to say I've missed green chiles.

So we decided that this fine morning we would head down with our DC guests, AdamEliseandSimon, to the Golden West Cafe. We weaved around Johns Hopkins University to get to Hampden -- a Baltimore neighborhood unified in its love of kitsch -- where Golden West sat on what's known as in Hampden as the "Avenue." And as we entered my excitement grew even greater. The place was tastefully adorned with 'junque.' Pine cones hanging from the ceiling, tacky lounge records in the bathroom, a can of glass frosting with the 'gl' scratched off amidst corny mugs setting on a shelf. The service was quite friendly and accommodated our ramshackle, groggy, and indecisive group of seven. The menu was impressive, including traditional favorites -- pancakes, breakfast burrito, heuvos rancheros -- as well as inspired unconventional items -- breakfast polenta. The green chiles were even shipped from Albuquerque!

But then things went sour. We grew cranky waiting for our food. Running out of gossip of impregnations we consumed more and more coffee and became even more frazzled. And it wasn't that our table was being shunned, no one had been served. Exasperated, Adam gave a worker an effective look (i.e. glare) and it was explained to us that there were some new 'heads' in the kitchen, hence the delay. The food finally came and the presentation was nice, but the burrito was a disappointment. The tortilla ends were folded in making for a chewy undesirable section at the ends and inside the browning process was taken a little too far leaving sections a little blackened. And worst of all the sea of green chile surrounding the burrito was lackluster at best. There was little to no heat and little to no flavor. So this is just to say, don't take easy access to wonderful green chiles for granted.

only 20 minutes

2006-09-07T12:55:00.000-06:00

we´re in mexico! day 5 of travelling and i still really love it. every morning we leave our lovely haven of a hostel to do some exploring, then we come back at night and play cards with our varoius new friends and sometimes drink some really cheap liquor (17 pesos--$1.70 for a large bottle of who the hell knows what). i really like the hostel scene. based on the people that we´ve met, it seems safe to assume that every white person travelling in mexico is either german or israeli. seriously. and amandashort, i hate to admit this too you, it seems like a betrayal, or something that could end our friendship, but i really like the germans i´ve met.

yesterday we travelled to two small mayan villages with a guy named alex, a few germans, and two israelis. one of the churches we went to was really interesting, they kind of gave the catholic church a big, ´fuck you´and have been picking and choosing what they like about catholicism. coke is sacred because belching releases bad things from your body, medicine men and women kill chickens in the church to rid illness, and everytime the guy in the back shouts something, about 5 guys who otherwise grind gunpowder run out and light firecrackers. and there was music, it was such a party.

i´ve decided that the quality of your gifts will directly correspond to how often i hear from you. why isn´t anyone blogging?

Crashing Into Baltimore

2006-08-29T09:58:00.000-06:00

So Stan and myself have been in Baltimore for about a week and a half (Thanks to Kate and Julia!!). We've been drinking lots of Natty Boh, biking around Baltimiore, and doing lots of apartment searching and job hunting. We just found out yesterday that we got an apartment in Charles Village near Johns Hopkins University. Stan has an interview set up for two weeks from now (planning ahead!) meanwhile he has been working very hard selling his body to science. I had an interview today at Record and Tapes Traders, which looks promising.

I also nearly died yesterday, which was exciting. I was biking down a windy leaf covered hill and realized I couldn't make the turn. I braked but my back wheel skidded out precariously so I decided to aim for a crash landing on the side of the road. I hit a rock at the edge of the road, flew off my bike, did a flip, and landed 10 or 15 yards later. Fortunately I avoided all the trees and rocks and nothing was seriously damaged, only a few layers of skin taken off my big toe. Wahoo!

(more sipping)

2006-08-03T19:50:00.000-06:00

ok, blogging take two. i've been suffering some serious writer's block, so i grabbed a mirror pond pale ale from the fridge. maybe this will do the trick. (sounds of sipping) ahhh.

things that have happened since leaving abq: (more sipping)
--gram proved her youthfulness by chasing a bear away from the campsite (fellow camper to my uncle "did you see that old gal chase that bear?!" uncle--"that was my mother-in-law" and later, gram, "old gal?!")
--it didn't rain on our backpacking trip
--i hiked across the tetons, and it was great (sorry mike), minus the blisters
--(more sipping) i almost died on the snake river (it occurs to me that so far, this slight exaggeration is the only thing interesting enough to require more story telling...) so. some cousins and i were on a raft cruising some excellent rapids looking forward to the big kuhuna. "don't go straight into the big kuhuna, stay just to the right". we went straight in, causing an entire side of the boat (minus one cousin) to bounce a few feet in the air before crashing into the water. mass confusion followed, but when it comes down to it, everyone was pulled back into the boat except me. somehow i still had my stupid paddle and i was headed towards more large rapids. i kept looking back, smiling, but muttering under my breath, "when in the hell are you going to come get me. paddle faster bitches!". alas, no one was coming to my rescue. i put my feet up and prepared for the worst. i was pulled under three more times, i was quite panicky at this point and had a hard time breathing. it was scary. post rapids they managed to save me, ptl. oh, and i was bleeding. not badly, but there was blood. of course, i loved all of this in many ways, i mean, it makes for a longer blog.
--(whew, more sipping) i lost hardcore in a pingpong tournament (does that count as a sport?)
--had an uneventful drive to portland. followed by many lovely days with cousin jill.
--went to a jerry garcia birthday bash. deadheads are hardcore man.
--ooh, ate some betam konjo ethiopian food with my friend ben.

and i suppose this brings us to now, pre-camping trip in the oregon mountains. i love vacation. (more sipping) i've found myself with large amounts of time by myself the past few days. then i start missing all of you. thank you thank you for the amazing sending. that party was so very excellent, i felt well loved. i mean, the cop was a nice touch, did someone pre-arrange that? anyway, before the monkey barges into my blog...

laura

The Mountain Goat’s Eulogy to those who travel far from us.

2006-07-18T10:28:00.000-06:00

Upon waking at 5am on Monday in a cold panic because my research paper was yet uncompleted, I discovered the meaning of terror... For a brief moment, I was awake, adrenalin pumping, thoughts of “classwide peer tutoring and their effects on academic performance” scurrying around in my head coliding with dreams of a frontier breakfast burrito, while simultaneously mashing with imaginings of a heart-in-my-throat good-bye. But, this brief furry of cognitive functioning passed and I rolled over, alarm clock curled into the crook of my elbow, set for a later time when the sun would be shinning into my bedroom window.
And now at 8am in my blurry-eyed wakefulness I sit clutching coffee and proofreading something that may resemble a research paper…
But really…just for you, in the hauntingly-nasal voice of the Mountain Goats, “on the morning when I woke up, without you, for the first time...I wondered through the house like a little boy, lost in a bubble, and an astronaut could have see the hunger, in my eyes from space. And I sang oh what’ll I do, what’ll I do, what’ll I do with out you…”
*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG* enter talking monkey, playing his castanets.
“What the f*#@ing H. are you doing!?!” yells the talking monkey [I have never seen him with his panties in such a bundle – his face has turned a disturbing watermelon color and as he shouts I get a blast of his breath that smells of rotting bananas and apathy…bad scene!]
“I had to f*#@ing enter early playing my castanets to distract from this curiously sentimental sh*#!”
“oh my monkey. This is embarrassing. Um, how about we just end the scene. [in whisper] Anyway, I think we need to bring the baby jesus an offering – I’d like to have a little say in today’s weather…”
*CLANG *CLANG*
Curtain.

does anyone check this?

2006-04-28T20:00:00.000-06:00

so i was reading my favorite mag (pitchfork, natch) and while reading a track review for sufjan stevens i came across another track review that mentioned huge blog buzz for a band called beirut. could it be?? a google search confirms the fact. our humble abq avant-garde pop band is making it big. is this being covered in abq?

huh?

2006-01-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

Hey shouldn't someone make a burrito MONTAGE to commemorate the end of the literal AFBBC?

It would go like this:
black screen (cue She's Like the Wind)

*Corknut in a curly wig
*Star wipe
*Silverware clinking, Patrick Swayze turns his head
*Green Chile Mamba stands on the table yelling he has the avian flu
*Fade in on Bighorn Sheep on Wheeler Peek
*Fade Out
*Interspliced cuts of us secretly eating pancakes and french toast instead of burritos
*Waitress Snubs us
*Bacon sizzles
*Cut to Ira Glass slumped over in his studio chair (he's too late, and he knows it)
*Cut to people not blogging
*Dissolve Wipe
*Taster43 clears a hurdle without knocking over the glass of champagne. OMG she's going to the 1934 Summer Olympics!
*Spinning kaleidiscope of burritos
*Jewel heist
*American flag waves
*Cluster bombs
*That turn into burritos
*Screaming
*Mayor Marty Chavez fastens his cuff links
(She's Like the Wind suddenly segues into Like A Prayer)
*Marmalade tries to remember a Dutch word--geseliche? gesellige? geselwieg?
*Chili Spice learns to read Braille
*We all jump off the tire swing into the lake
*Mr. Red & Chili Spice win the ballroom dance contest
*Green Chile Mamba walks into the sunset
*American flag, half mast
*Fade Out
*
I have a camcorder.

Hey Green Chile, when that guy told you about reading more books than all of you combined did he also compare your college tuition to his $3.65 in late fees at the public library? That was like, my favorite part of Good Will Hunting. OMG, was it Matt Damon?

Cheers,
Marmy (I gave myself an affectionate nickname)

blog

2006-01-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

hey everyone check out the blog for my trip. http://itsgonnabeatrip.blogspot.com

File under townie

2006-01-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

Yesterday was the zenith of what will forever be known as "the townie Christmas." It's true friends, yesterday I went to a bar called Double D's for karaoke night. Highlights included a hearty sing-a-long to 4 Non Blondes' "What's Up" and Stan and me singing "Blister in the Sun." Townie highlights included mountains of country music and a lovely take on the seminal classic "Short Dick Man," which was directly followed by the karaoke MC singing an equally lewd song in defense of males everywhere (God help us!).

The rest of my townie Christmas in dreary I-haven't-seen-the-sun-in-over-a-week Goshen has consisted of two a-mazing nights of bowling, a townie party, and a mullet filled trip to the Courthouse Pub, where we met a townie who after finding out that we were college grads repeatedly insisted that in a four year span he had read more books than all of us combined.

Upon realizing that I'd been descending into townie-dom, I decided to get the fuck out of Goshen, lest my bohemian sensibilities be completely crushed. So I venture off in less than two days. But fear not! We will be stopping in Albuquerque around the weekend of the 20th! See you then!

(when you wake) you're still in a dream

2006-01-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

Upon returning to my lovely ‘Goshen House,’ and having discovered one large tub of moldy yogurt, one loaf of expired sourdough, and two shriveled kiwis, I was ecstatic when my pals whisked me off to the Thai Orchid for a New Year’s Eve Dinner.
But the real treat of the evening was the show going down at the Blue Dragon. Not only was the crowd a-number-one-super (featuring one wal-mart dolled up lady who was sporting a leopard print headband, boob-busting halter-top, and kinky-buckle and leather spikes; two cute-as-a-button kids who threw plastic monkeys in the air to the beat of the music; and three angst-y punks decked out in black hair, gigantor spacers, and purple striped tights) but the opening band was something like youth-pastor praise band meets I-think-being-dark-is-cool so I’ll write jr. high poetry and put it to music. Add burned-out looking alien-singer who sounded like he had a nose flute in his throat to the mix and well, I really just didn’t know what to concentrate on…
“Well,” interjects the talking monkey, “aren’t we just chatty today? Why don’t you go tend to the baby jesus? He’s been crying for hours because you’ve neglected to fix his broken wind-up robot.”
“Yeah, come on,” coos the baby jesus, “I am the light of the world, come fix my wind-up robot.”
“curtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtaincurtain…!” shouts the talking monkey, mistaking himself for the energizer bunny.

“But,” I whisper, “my ratings:”
Times I’ve played James Kochalka’s “Britney’s Silver Can” on repeat as loud as the living room stereo allows: indefinitely.
Number of leftover Christmas cookies I consumed for lunch today: at least 10.
Number of sit-ups I’ve done in the darkened living room: 59.
Things I’ve swept under the oven since returning home: the spilled curry powder, a few raisins, and some dropped oats.
Times I’ve attempted to play along on my euphonium to James Kochalka’s “Britney’s Silver Can” while marching around the house: 2.
Number of minutes I had to bake my two loaves of oatmeal bread: 48.

good times in gtown

2005-12-22T19:39:00.000-07:00

um. i'm realizing that i don't really have anything to report... i came here hoping to read more witty blogs (ok, ok, it's more like the 5th time i've checked since reading the brilliant works of amandashort--my parents have dsl, it's like a whole new world) anyway i found none, so here i am.

there's no talking monkey at my house. this is slightly disappointing, but oscar the fufu dog can be pretty entertaining. like, yesterday my dad took oscar outside to do his business and the dog comes back in racing around the house, jumping up and down and in general acting like he had just discovered the best humping blanket ever. but my mom said, "he gets like that everytime after he poops." if only i could take as much joy in the simple pleasures of life.

meanwhile, mike is exploring my mom's cell phone, taking pictures of his feet perhaps while we listen to antony and the johnsons(mom decides it's a little to vibrato-y for her taste). we just finished a thrilling game of russian rummy during which mike earned at least one salty point. life is pretty exciting at the shank/snyder household.

over and out,
taster29

If i were to blog, would ya'll say i was cool?

2005-12-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

A call to fellow bloggers:
Putting the fear of appearing desperate for peer interaction aside, I wish to post in order to be all up in your business and perhaps change the face of our AFBBC blog.
There had been brief rumblings by well, just two of the burrito-eater club members, about continuing to post.

Clang! Clang! go the talking monkey’s castanets. “That is a ridiculous idea – even the baby jesus knows that. And besides, you wouldn’t have anything to blog about.” Clang! Clang!

Well. Mostly I was looking for a way to make our little group even more exclusive – I’ve dreamed all my life of being one of those too-cool-for-school-cheerleaders or something. So why not blog to be cool…
Post and be bold I say, post and be bold.

My Ratings (on a scale of 1-10):
Quality of drinks consumed so far on my vacation: 7.8 – had some lovely wine at a cute little pub in Iowa City; and of course the jug on the train was warm and comforting.
Number of N-sync T-shirts my sister has worn: 2.
Times our dog Cokie has blessed my cousin’s husband, John Leigh, with her stank breath: far too many for John’s comfort level.
Number of salty points my mother has given my teenage sisters collectively since my return: at least 15.
Times I contemplated buying a shotgun while shopping at the biggest mall in Iowa: umpteen.
Number of times I was locked out of the local theater for being 10min. late to the movie: 1.

I hope yer all well and eating amazing foods with your families.

“Curtain!” whispers the talking monkey.

Traffic Jammin' Good

2005-11-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

Hello, it's Saturday morning at 8:57 (it's true this time) and I need to get this in real quick-like. So:

Dear Bloggery, last Saturday we had fast-food BB's, which are a different breed that what we generally have, but not an altogether unmerited breed (this is GOLDEN PRIDE we're talking about here) (it's 9:01 now, better finish blog soon). As Golden Pride is a close relative of one of my fav'z (the z makes it even more cool) the ingredients stand to be reasonably good. The cheaposity lead me to, for once, choose the most expensive burrito on the menu, the #.... ($3.29 or so), I can't remember, but it had not only the green chile (which wasn't on nearly as many of the choices as you'd expect) AND the bacon, and some other stuff. (9:05). Very tasty, could have used a second burrito, and I had to wait too long to receive our order (which could have been my own fault, except that they never put my order down on the counter where everybody else's were that they had been calling, so finally I asked). Fast food rating: 4.6 (this translates elaborately from the regular rating, taking into consideration the time of prep, atmosphere, ordering at a counter, and not being asked if I'd like my free water refilled, but there's not enough space on this blog for the formula).

Sincerely,
Corknut (crap! 9:10)

another round of cherry tomatoes please!

2005-11-05T01:57:00.000-07:00

The truck ride produced one mini-watermelon covered with smashed cherry tomatoes, the burrito club with wind blown hair, and a fellow taster repeatedly dropping the f-bomb in imitation of one of his students.

I ate my burrito with a cherry tomato stuck to my ass; sitting at a cement bench. The burrito was tasty - beans and fresh tortilla, just the basics rollin' in at a solid 5 out of 10 score. It tasted just like I expected a place with abrasive yellow lighting and a 1970's disco-gone-horribly-wrong-feel, would serve. Best of 'berque? Hardly. Convenient? Well yes.

"But the best part" interjects the talking monkey, "was the conversation the table next to us was having. They were dressed like *gangstas* and saying things like: 'fuuuck man...' 'yo, homie!' and my personal favorite, 'she got pissed at me 'cause i called her a fuckin' chola.' They were almost more interesting than the eyelash a fellow taster found in her burrito and the truck driver that parked in the median so he could walk over to golden pride for a bite to go."

And I ask you talking monkey, where are your castanets? Isn't this my report...? Go play with your friend the baby jesus. Make some music. Have fun. Save the world...

Scores? humm. you and the talking monkey work it out together. I think i've made my opinion clear enough.

The Comintern Says Yes

2005-11-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

I have lived in Albuquerque for over 5 years and have never set foot in a Golden Pride until now. Mostly, because I rarely crave fried chicken but also, because I thought of GP as a mere satellite to the blazing, glorious, gravitational behemoth that is the Frontier. Nobody told me that they have super cheap, lip-smackin', pret-a-emporter breakfast burritos.

Oh, it's true, they aren't served with the same fanfare as the Frontier BB (they give it to you in a paper wrapper, instead of a stoneware plate, which means forget smothering it in chile) But, it's the same tortilla, same buttery hashbrowns and same toe-curling carne adovada. It's a proletariat/intellegentsia burrito, not a bourgeois burrito. So ask yourself (ahem...Colonel Mustard) if the reason you gave it such a low score had more to do with your imperialist ideology than your tastebuds.

As for scene--I would call it a weird lime-washed-disco Bedouin. The bare yellow flourescent bulb on the low ceiling, the white brick archways, the crazed caravan of cars on Lomas that actually caused a traffic hazard lining up for breakfast--it all seemed very foreign. Foreign is good right now. I need foreign.

Scores please:
Burrito: 4.0 (damned good, not fabulash)
Company: 4.0 (too many in abstentias)
Atmosphere: 3.5 (those intractable stone benches made it hard for us to sit together)
Service: 4.0
Transportation: 4.25

What Color Is Your Burrito??

2005-10-31T11:27:00.000-07:00

Golden Pride
1830 Lomas Blvd NE
Albuquerque, NM
10-29-05

Alibi readers recently gave Golden Pride the distinction of Albuquerque's Best Breakfast Burrito. Well, needless to say, Albuquerque's finest Breakfast Burrito Club couldn't let this assertion stand without our critical input. Golden Pride, the Frontier's little fast-foody sister, has the most diverse menu we've seen. They had ten different burrito options! Some of these burritos stretched the definition of the breakfast burrito, including neither green chile, potatoes, and/or eggs. I, the cheapest of the cheap, chose the most basic option: the number one. Golden Pride's top listed burrito is composed of green chile, hash browns, and eggs wrapped in a renowned Frontier tortilla. The hash browns had a deep, rich flavor and worked despite not being crunchy. The eggs were pleasantly unnoticed like Colonel Mustard's self-awareness on the dance floor. The tortilla was predictably good, although it didn't seem to be the freshest of the fresh. The green chile had good flavor and heat, but was woefully underwhelming. The number one, like all of their burritos, doesn't feature a sauce. It is a burrito designed to be handheld, eaten in the car or in the dorm room. This made the burrito rather lack luster.

The key to understanding the Golden Pride breakfast burrito is to realize the burrito's intentions. This burrito isn't out to change the world, it doesn't want you to remember your first love, and it's culinary instinct certainly isn't to give your taste buds fire-cracker orgasms. No, the burrito's intentions aren't even to fill you up. This burrito is a snack. A very stoner munchie. With the fullness factor of 2.0 directly corresponding to the price of 2.49 dollars.

And like all fast food restaurants, Golden Pride's dining room isn't really designed to be eaten in. It reminds you that you have the option of eating there, but you'd rather partake in the drive-through. Which is almost too bad, because Lomas' Golden Pride is an anachronistic oddity, with a feel straight from the late 70s: fast and bulbous. Florescent light shone through orange, plastic encasing giving the restaurant a surreal mellow glow. Round plastic tables featured bolted down chairs, but we opted to sit outside where we witnessed first-hand Golden Pride's popularity. Cars were frequently lined up on the busy Lomas waiting to pull into the full drive-through. A semi even parked on the ample median! And while watching the cars pile up I understood The Pride's appeal, but in no way is this a great burrito, let alone Albuquerque's best. I give Golden Pride a 2.8, tasty but spiritually unfulfilling.

Flying Star...

2005-10-29T00:07:00.000-06:00

Is Flying Star excellent in the breakfast burrito department? Yes. Does Flying Star have great atmosphere? Certainly, as do all Flying Stars, since they're done by the same architect, Ed...what's his name... Is a round table the ultimate seating device for 8-11 people? Yes! So why does this place not stack up to the Frontier? I can't really explain it. Price probably has something to do with it, and sentimentality as well. Frontier was always there for me, through the years of school when you needed food at 4am. Frontier, you rock, and so would you Flying stuff, if you were a little more in my price range.

Burrito quality: 4.3 (I wasn't big on the potatoes, sorry Green Chile Mamma)
Atmosphere: 4.9
Restroom: N/A didn't use
Magazine availability: 4.7 (could've been slightly closer to table)
Ability to have "apocalypse talk": 4.4
Wall tile: 4.8
Distance from base (Goshen House): 3.8
Croissants: 4.989

How Did I Wake Up on This Park Bench and Where Are My Pants?

2005-10-25T22:04:00.000-06:00

I have to wonder how qualified I am to critique the Flying Star burrito when I just read Green Chile Mamba's post and thought, "oh, there were black beans in there? I don't remember that."

Here's what I do remember--catching a glimpse of the titillating cover of the new Albuquerque Magazine featuring our city's most eligible singles. It kind of implies we have a celebrity culture here, a high society. I giggled so much I nearly split my pants. (Wait, I was wearing pants right?)

Then I remember that I ordered a croissant and coffee, which reminded me of a time in France when I...oh, this is a good one...ordered a croissant and coffee...in France. And I remember that the cover of the National Geographic said "Killer Flu" at which point my mouth went dry and I dropped my tray, my plate shattering into a fusillade of stoneware shards on the floor (in slow motion, multiple times from several angles). Because it was just as we had foreseen it. And I remember, later at the table, somebody threw coffee in somebody else's face, Taster 29 said she was creeped out by swank, and Chili Spice told us a funny dream about when she dreamt her pillow was a pancake so she started eating it (which really is a pretty common dream, so I didn't laugh that hard). Then I remember Green Chili Mamba stood up on the table and yelled, "I have it!! I have the avian flu!" And everyone ran out screaming,pastries falling from their teeth, whipped cream smeared on their chins, trampling each other's reading glasses, beating each other with rolled up glossy art mags.

And that's pretty much all I remember. Oh, and Corknut did share his burrito with me. The potatoes were exceptionally tasty and I remember thinking it was one of the best so far, but I don't think I could really convice anyone of that with my dearth of details. Next time I will take a dictaphone, I swear.

Burrito:4.25
Service:4.5
Company: Splendid until the coffee throwing.
Dying of the Avian Flu:1.0 (you might get to stay home from school and watch soap operas)
Atmosphere: Pastel swank
Price: Overpriced because they're pastel swank and they know it.

High As a Kite

2005-10-24T16:01:00.000-06:00

Flying Star
3416 Central SE
Albuquerque, NM
10-22-05

Hello faithfulasadog readers! This week we review the legendary Flying Star breakfast burrito. The center piece of the burrito was the potatoes, taking front stage like Taster29 in her community-theatre production of The Soggy Bologna. Instead of going for the traditional hash browns, the Star opts for home fries (potato wedges) fried to a deliciously unhealthy golden hue. They are the tastiest potatoes I've ever had in a breakfast burrito. The addition of black beans also separates this burrito from its lessers. The key to their black beans is that they don't overwhelm the burrito. It's a extra bonus, like getting a quarry from your construction hut, that doesn't change the burrito's basic composition and identity. This time the beans were just a bit too done for my taste. In past visits the beans have been firm; here they were done to the point of having a slight sauce, which combined with the floury tortilla made a sort of primordial pasty mush. The eggs and tortilla weren't anything to speak of, so I won't. The green chile was a pleasant temperature, a bit mild, but truth be told it was in short supply. The burrito was never dry, but I missed the green chile flavor and heat. I've had better breakfast burritos here, but this one was still excellent.

The atmosphere at Flying Star was also quite pleasant. We had a circular table which we squeezed around with our cafeteria-trays, causing us to nostalgically reminisce about our good ol' Alma Matters (some of them ever singing...). The table was very much appreciated because we were actually able to have a conversation involving all members. A modernist architectural theme abides in Flying Star, and while at times this can feel a little artificial and overwhelming, in general it is refreshing as there is no other place like it in Albuquerque. The price of the burrito isn't cheap at 6.49, however it is quite reasonable considering the quality and quantity, fullness factor of 5. For October the 22nd, I give the Flying Star a 4.7. Factoring in past burritos had at Flying Star boosts the score up to 4.8.

I felt warm and fuzzy inside

2005-09-21T11:23:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, September 10th, a small but important gaggle of AFBBC tasters fought against what was thier second mass of people that morning... at the Frontier. Unlike the mass at REI's scratch and dent sale, this crowd was well ordered, and moved quickly from lines, to registers, to tables. Our group gathered at the front of the restaraunt and as I gazed hungrily at the many panelled menu I felt... found. A sensation of returning home filled me inexplicably. I ordered a veggie BB and a steaming mug of coffee which was presented to me immediatley, effortlessly, by a friendly waitress who inquired about my old odd cartilage peircing. Did it hurt more than your nose? I was zapped back to late 1990's alternateen frenzy and the Cowpok on Elmwood Ave in Buffalo NY where I was pierced along with my best buddy on the occasion of his birthday. Yes, it hurt far more than my nose and for a solid year. Now I forget I have it. Forget the years of fearless extraversion, blurred energy, loud laughter. And suddenly I was home, home in who I was and am, home in Buffalo AND ALbuquerque and I realized for the first time... they are the same. Or they are the same in me. "What we have been becomes the country where we are." My burrito was warm, spicey, satisfying, my coffee was a beautiful prelude. The carpets on the ceiling were better than I'd ever noticed before, the Native Elvis painting was transcendant. I can not rate my ecperience outside of these terms. I was happy.

Should've had the french toast

2005-09-14T12:53:00.000-06:00

This is my El Camino Post... Just to get it out there. I don't know how far ahead or behind that puts me, I forget who is along each saturday and not, I just read a ffunny with an extra 'f' for real writer among us, blog about the ridgeback to where I will not go back, but which blog I will read again... and again, because if you can make me laugh out loud in the Fine Arts Library the day before my materials grant is due... You have my sworn alegience. So. El Camino. I have little to say that makes my El Camino blog neccessary or different from the others. Yes, plural is right I think. I think the burrito might have been a fine example of the no frills as another has suggested... if it were even a little warm, like maybe it had been prepared over heat recently. I think it was all the confusion... so many options and yet so similar in appearance... I went in that morning craving french toast anyway. Yet, I buckled, damn loyalty issues, (what number of the enneagram could explain that?) ... and ordered a BB. A fellow taster beside me ordered the coveted French Toast and went home with my doggy bag, which was half or better of a green chili smothered veggie bb. I have been dreaming French Toast ever since.

Where the hell is it? .9 Takes too long to get there-I postpone my am coffee until we arrive
You did cook this once upon a time, right? 1.0 for not being refrigerator cold.
Refills on coffee? 2.0 Nice try with the Karaffe on the table but those damn coffee hoarders at the other end...
Wearing of Buttons and nice coversation with guest tasters: 4.75 SOmething had to go well
My own personal outlook on life this particular morning and perhaps right now: pathetic. Buck up whiner. Next Blog to reveal happy inner me.

You Might Be a Redneck If...

2005-09-08T22:39:00.000-06:00

Oh damn you Green Chile Mamba and your punctual posting. Now I'm a review behind. This is for Ridgeback Diner (Cafe? Antler Hall?) and it's going to be short, sweet, pithy, concise, and to the point. Did you notice how this post is already none of those things? Oh, Hells Bells, I can't write a short post.

Many bizarre and fantastical things happened at Ridgeback Diner. The first was that Mr. Red ordered green chile and I ordered red. "Preposterous!!" you say. Well it's true. Mr. Red had already tried the red chile and didn't care for the meat pellets found therein. Pellets is not a very appetizing word, but they were certainly not "succulent morsels of meat." They were more like the fungal, spongy meat found inside canned ravioli.

The second strange thing that happened is Corknut suddenly had a full, vivacious head of hair, which looked suspiciously like a woman's fashion wig.

The third unnatural thing that happened was I went into the restaurant ravenous but could only finish half of the burrito. Maybe it's because this burrito had enough caloric content to feed a small village. Fatty gravy, entire slices of bacon, and I have reason to believe...steroids. Check the batting averages, folks.

Fourthly, none of us got shot, despite the fact none of us were wearing blaze orange and some of us were making sudden, sprightly movements.

So there it is.

Burrito: 2.5 (too salty and lardy)
Service: 4.5
Atmosphere: Well, this is a hard one because it is true redneck Americana--a no frills, antlers-on-the-walls, chewing tobacco mecca. No attempts to be "cool" or "hip." And somehow that was refreshing. Yet would I like to go there every weekend? Absolutely not. Plus anyplace that rewards extreme gluttony (eat this 6 lb burger, bucket of fries, piece of pie and large soda and we'll give it to you for FREE!!) gets an automatic demerit. So the score is 3.0.

Pool Party Anyone?

Marmalade

Schizophrenia is taking me home

2005-09-06T13:32:00.000-06:00

el camino
north side albuquerque
fourth street

perhaps now is the time to make clear the two basic types of burritos. there is the standard breakfast burrito and then there is the fancy pants burrito, and to compare the two is perhaps foolhardy. i mean, when you set the chocolate cafe's burrito and gold street caffe's side by side you really need a different set of standards and vocabulary (for example spelling things with extra efs like ffancy pants). el camino's burrito falls firmly in the no frills category and is perhaps the finest example of the genre i've seen so far.

the burrito was composed of ingredients that strived for unity rather than individual distinction. i have nothing bad or good to say about the tortilla, hash browns or eggs. the green chile was what gave the burrito its character. the chile was flavorful and fairly hot. it was presented in a gravy that was the most successful gravy i've seen: it wasn't too heavy and didn't distract from the chile.

the service and atmosphere were both very good. there was some confusion due to the large amount of burritos ordered, however our waitress handled it well, was very nice and took interest in our humble club. the atmosphere was nice and light with a stucco home theme. the price was right at under four dollars for a basic burrito that filled me up. in conclusion this was sort of the workingperson's burrito: affordable, filling, unpretentious and tasty.

2005-09-02T17:01:00.000-06:00

free to be you and me, that's so great. it's true though, that last one was really kind of terrible. (see marmalade, i can be negative) i mean, it was salty, there was iceberg lettuce, and what the hell were those potatoes doing in the gravy? i felt my arteries hardening. it was as disorienting as the operation play by emma and co.--and not nearly as amusing.
i had a great time though, coloring our logos was a highlight.
and what's this posting out of order? not cool corknut.

will i be back?: not likely
for a burrito?: hell no

if breakfast burritos were people

2005-09-02T11:12:00.000-06:00

if breakfast burritos were people then instead of blogging criticism we'd sing the burritos songs from Free To Be You And Me and Jesus Loves Me. We'd celebrate fat kids, ugly kids, boys who like playing with dolls, girls who like beating up boys who like playing with dolls and the penultimate: the ugly fat boy playing with dolls who just got beat up by the girl who likes beating up boys.

however, burritos don't have feelings, which makes it okay to eat them and to criticize them. and often times a harsh finger pointing and yell of "fat, ugly burrito!" is necessary. exhibit A: buster's dry, bland excuse for a burrito. and now we have our second exhibit, so aptly christened B: the Ridgeback. *note: before i rip Ridgerest's burrito to pieces let me enter a point of clarification: like in people, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. in other words this is all subjective, there are no undeniably ugly kids and no undeniably bad breakfast burritos*

so starting systematically the Ridgencrest's atmosphere was mild and un-assuming to the point that i forgot about it as soon as the colored pencils hit the table. the trucker/greasy spoon atmosphere didn't really seem to be in full effect as the place was mostly empty. a more lively and active regular clientele could have helped the Ridgedcrust out. the service was also nothing to note for or against, only that they seemed to have no problem with our motley coloring crew.

the burrito was a gravy laden affair. here i should identify myself as partial to all sauces. gravies are too thick and heavy-handed and the sauceless burrito, in my opinion, can hardly be called a breakfast burrito. so the gravy, which even had its own potatoes, didn't do it for me. it drenched the burrito but left me feeling quite fatty the whole day -- and fatty rock climbing is not so fun. simialarly the hash browns were quite buttery. the eggs and the whole burrito in general was as salty as taster23 and myself at erda pulling weeds. and the iceberg lettuce and unripe tomatoes on the side didn't give the burrito any extra points.

the real kicker in the whole deal was the price. the actual burrito wasn't quite as bad as my exaggerations above, but to pay 7.50 for it! preposterous! so i give the Ridgefest a 2.8. in good news, however, several of us discovered that the laughing lizard has a breakfast burrito! jemez springs' the laughing lizard is one of my favorite eateries which leads me to suggest a burrito outing and hot springs trip combined with maybe some hiking inbetween.

goold street worth it’s weight

2005-09-01T21:01:00.000-06:00

I may be a little biased toward this place because it just happens that there aint many other B.B. joints closer to our house, with the possible exception of Poppin’ Taco (and I’m not sure that their chain is local). Onward:

staff’s grooviness: 4.7 -very cool looking people
staff’s competence: 2.4 -often have trouble remembering those special touches, like silverware.
atmosphere: 4.2
restroom: didn’t use
outdoor seating available: yes
group comfort: 4.7 -the perfect size table and mini-room, complete with garage door, and not feeling too separate from rest of restaurant.
walkability from house: 4.8 -if I can’t spit on it from my balcony, I can’t give it a 5.

b.b.’s presentation: 4.7 -excellent with the diagonal cut (the way you like your pb&j sandwiches cut) with the 2 halves offset a little.
b.b.’s texture: 4.7 -just about perfect. potatoes quite nice.
b.b.’s flavour: 4.7 -this score “4.7” is pretty close to perfection in my book. I always like to leave a little room for ‘beyond perfection’.

The G.S.C. stands so far as the place to beat. Maybe next week, “Razorback” (I mean Ridgeback)will dethrone it. I can't wait. By the way,this blog was totally written before we went to Ridgeback.

Pennsylvania via Kansas....New Mexico

2005-09-01T18:01:00.000-06:00

Well, it has been officially a month since I have moved to New Mexico. My acceptance into the ABQ Flying Breakfast Burrito Club has made my move complete. I do have to say that I am a Freshman in the club, but I have felt welcomed from my first bite of a Green chili covered Burrito last Saturday.
Since my exposure to BB has been limited to McDonald's in Pennsylvania and Kansas, I am welcoming this tour of tastes through the New Mexican Breakfast Burrito landscape of New Mexico.
Green Graber

Fatalist taster

2005-09-01T15:40:00.000-06:00

I am not sure what my last post revealed about my personal burrito theology, though I consider it an extrememly personal and abstract, complicated and exhausting topic in my life. As I understand it, and I make no claims to know or want to fully know myself for all you Enneagram enthusiasts, I believe I am coming to a cross roads where I relent my perfectionist expectations and accept what is. Do we call this burrito nihilism, pessimism, angst, ambivalence, apathy? I have to ask myself the question, and this is painful because my love of burritos is being called into question and I fear falling into the vast darkenss if my identity ceases to be defined by this, but here it is. I tremble. Can a breakfast burrito, however good, cause my mountains to quiver? There it is. I have said it, now I make haste to respond: of coarse. Fear not. Thy faith is strong. It is all a matter of finding the perfect one. How do I find the perfect one? How do I find the perfect one? How do I find the perfect one? And didn't I give up this search through a series of sincere if bland haikus? I think I did. Well then. Good thing because The Ridgeback, if that is what it was called, might have sent me spinning on my downward spiral. I can hardly force myself to spend my time developing a vocabulary for how dissatsifying that breakfast burrito, wait, I hesiate, though shall not use the food descriptive in vain... that meal was. Gravy, salt, more gravy, are those eggs? Let me try the cinnamon roll that I was lured into ordering... Salty. Thankfully, I have colored pencils and a logo to turn to.
On that note, I do not know how to rate the experience. I am torn between my desire to be satisfied with what is, and the desire to know and love only the best. I will list numbers spontaneously, without allowing too much cognitive energy replace my gut instinct.

Atmosphere: 3 like the candle holders and the sign for the "neccesary room"
Enthusiam: 4 great to color logos.
Food: Appauling.
Coffee: yes, thankyou

Burrito Theology

2005-08-30T08:14:00.000-06:00

Taster43 brings up a good point about the different aspirations of any given breakfast burrito. Perhaps at this juncture it would be prudent for us all to elucidate our own definition of the perfect bb (which reminds me, I will NOT under any duress wear a George Bush pin).

Is there a Platonic burrito? "The One" Burrito which all others pathetically emulate? Our logo would suggest, yes. But our theology may be vastly different. Maybe Mr. Red is a fundamentalist (red chile=good, green chile=evil) Maybe Chili Spice is a Pythagorean mystic who reviles beans (see footnote). Maybe Taster29 practices an occult Orientalism so zen that she loves ALL burritos and scorns wit. You get the idea…

But really, while contemplating the burrito "godhead," I cannot come up with a scientific equation for what makes the ultimate bb. The whole is always something much more than its parts. Like Taster 43, I am waiting for that one bite that opens the floodgates of heaven, causes mountains to crumble to the sea, and governments to fall (preferably our own). I have had this numinous culinary experience maybe a half a dozen times in my life. Like any mystical event, the sensation only lasts for about three seconds, and then linear time resumes. When that happens, IF that happens, I shall assign a score of 5.0, end the pilgrimage, and start looking for the Platonic jellyroll.

Until then I will enjoy the more carnal pleasures of imperfect burritos. Gold Street Caffe's brazenly named "Best Burrito" is in the upper echelon of imperfect burritos. I am almost never disappointed with GSC’s food, never with the atmosphere (a lustrous American red-brick-bistro swank) but their service is almost always crap. And they know it. I know they know it because I remember an article in the Alibi, over a year ago, in which the owner or head chef mentioned that they were trying to improve their reputation on that score. Hey guys-- less frying, more trying.
The burrito itself was exceptionally good. It certainly had the best consistency of potato (slightly al dente) so far and it was moist and flavorful. So in an effort to keep my log shorter than last time, I will cut right to the score card:

Atmosphere: 4.0
Burrito: 4.0
Service: 2.5

Footnote: Yes, it’s true. The guy who captivated our hearts with the Pythagorean theorem in high school also preached that eating beans was a sin. See The History of Western Philosophy, by Bertrand Russell, Ch. III, pg 51 if you don’t believe me.

This is my haiku. It has a religious theme to go with the rest of my post:

Where is Our Waitress?
And our forks, spoons, and menues?
Is it the Rapture?

Farewell, dear Tasters,

Marmalade

i have declared my undying love to the emo-hipster burrito

2005-08-28T21:30:00.000-06:00

A thesis on breakfast burritos and the state of our union. Re: the talking monkey picks a bone with the mayor Chavez.
Opening paragraph: Talking monkey hits his mini-cymbals together for maybe one hour.

In conclusion: breakfast burritos, like humans can be categorized according to their life-style choices. I have sampled a hippy burrito, a truck-driver burrito, a smooth-talkin’-greasy-spoon burrito, an emo-hipster burrito, and a burrito stuck in limbo somewhere between a high-school-angsty-artist burito and a tacky-Euro burrito.
I may have eaten the best emo-hipster burrito ever (in fact I think I have a crush on the emo-hipster burrito), but I’m still longing for the classy, sleek and sassy European burrito. Call me a snob, but as a burrito eater I want only what I can relate to best - style, grace, and flavor.
In fact just now the talking monkey is dressing the baby jesus in hip European garb and forming his baby curls into an amazing fo-hawk. Who knows, I may have to start coming to church…
“but the Mayor Chavez?!” shouts an exasperated talking monkey.
well. How about some ratings for Gold Street’s emo-hipster burrito instead.
flavor: 4.7
presentation: 5
service: 5
Price: not bad, not bad at all
Ease at which the AFBBC could sit at one table: 5
Presence of cheesy-elevator music: none to note but there were some tacky woven hats
Coffee: 5
Gezellig?: 5 – I mean, there was even some applauding going on

the extra 'f' is for fuck you

2005-08-28T19:56:00.000-06:00

i mean, we all know i'm going to write a positive review to counter the negativity and stick up for this fantastic breakfast burrito. so i'll skip it, acknowledge that i'm not going to be clever, and give you my scores:

chance that i'll be back: 5
for a breakfast burrito: 4.7

but a by the way... mike just colored an a*mazing "proud to be an american" button and i'm wondering, instead of flogging, can we force non-bloggers to wear embarassing buttons?

First rule in finding happiness

2005-08-24T15:43:00.000-06:00

Lower the bar of expectation. I have realized that my dream is too Gatsby-an. But, before I dive into deepest self discovery, let me lament for all the unrealized expecations in my life concerning breakfast burritos.

Gold Stree Cafe on the Horizon

Searching for answers
in green chilli and cheese please,
still I leave empty.

My gut turns and calls,
coffee sets the stage, anxious,
and then, dissapointement.

My ephipahny coincided with the best breakfast burritto... I have had so far. Still the ends were dry and bland, it's true. Still the Gold Street does its best to point you in the right direction. The burritto arrives sliced down the center and opened toward the hungry eye. Full of flavor, believable egges, potoatoes with skin, a mulitude of green chilis sans gravy, everything I could ask for... well, almost. Here's where I am too particular.

What I crave is green
chili salsa piled, dripping,
saucy, not gravy.

Overall atmosphere- 3.5 too much fake light bouncing off my glasses
Food for your money- 4 Almost worth 6bucks. Almost.
Service- 3 too cheerey, like a newbee addressing a table of old folks.
Team enthusiasm- 4.75 Choosing a logo was definatley a highlight.
Pleasure to eat- 4.5 that's right. Ordinary Slpendor.

If Collins can fall
in love with the soap dish, than
I can love thee, BB.

gold street caffe

2005-08-22T10:15:00.000-06:00

our destination
for this fine saturday is
the gold street caffe

the ambiance was nice, not overly fancy but definitely high-brow. brick walls and saturated colors emitted an aura of comfort, while the pier-one style decorations -- such as the inexplicable, non-functioning bowl in the middle of our table -- suggested a homey atmosphere. the service was smiley and attentive although at times a bit odd (i.e. i had to use my glasses to stir my coffee due to the lack of any utensils). despite the quality atmosphere there was a sense of properness that conflicted with my grungy-roll-out-of-bed feel, making the gold street caffe (what's with the two efs?) a sometimes eatery opposed to the chocolate cafe's everyday populism.

the burrito itself was presented nicely, cut down the middle with both halves offset a bit. the burrito (which, by the way, claims to be the Best Breakfast Burrito) looked delicious, however a few things made me nervous: its ends were folded in on itself (which usually creates an excess of tortilla) and while the top was generously covered by green chiles the sauciness or stew factor looked to be fairly low. i was pleasantly surprised to find that the tortilla was thin and crispy, as if heated or toasted, this made the ends entirely tolerable. the stew factor was indeed low, although the green chiles were quite good. and this was where the burrito faltered. although each of the ingredients were delicious (the wonderfully seasoned potatoes, tasty eggs) there wasn't enough homogeneity. the burrito is self-contained for a reason. the burrito should be one, not many. a more prevalent sauce, saturating everying in a certain sameness would have been helpful (or maybe just more fromage to grease everything up). as it was the burrito was too disparate, much like modest mouse's lonesome crowded west, ambitious and at times stunning but overlong and fractured.

however, one can not complain too much. the burrito was excellent, the best i've had so far. and the price and portion was quite reasonable for the quality -- 6 bucks for the sans bacon burrito with a just-barely-finishing-the-burrito fullness factor. we'll see how their self-proclaimed title (silly gold street caffe, as if anyone but the afbbc could give out that distinction) holds up against the formidable challenge of the flying star.

been a long time

2005-08-16T16:17:00.000-06:00

our dear and beloved blog has been silent for too long! we have tragically missed two saturdays (some of us haven't seen an afbbc meeting for four weeks!) so we'll have to make our next stop extra special.

so, in honor of the 2005 national poetry slam competition i propose a breakfast burrito haiku deathmatch on saturday. here's a sample to get us started:

breakfast burrito:
you make my liver quiver--
damn it. uh... janet.

Fear Not

2005-08-03T18:33:00.000-06:00

Actually I don't even know where you can order a real jellyroll in this town, so it would be a pretty sad hungry little club. A club of dirty urchins. And the AFBBC would taunt us in the alleys and we'd have to resort to pickpocketing. Hmm. Maybe next year?

Pardon me

2005-08-02T22:09:00.000-06:00

Oops, and you're also not a Doctor, Mr. Mamba.
My sincere apologies. I could have sworn you had a terminal degree...

I knew something would go horribly wrong on my first post.

winnings not so winning

2005-08-02T21:20:00.000-06:00

(by the way my name's green chile mamba like black mamba of kill bill.)

to change your screen name, sign in on blogger and then click edit profile. make sure to republish the blog to see the change.

now to the matter at hand. starting with atmosphere, winnings is quality. fine, digestible modern art hangs on the simple white walls, while the space is light and comfortable. the service, however, left something to be desired. there is an air of quiet superiority - a too-cool-for-school atmosphere.

the breakfast burrito was serviceable. it lacked a certain je ne sais quoi despite the quality ingredients and bonus onions. the flavor tended toward gravy like sameness, heaviness, and dullness. the portion is quite large (i didn't finish) and the price quite reasonable (4.50ish for a smothered burrito). usually i find the coffee to be quite good at winnings, today it was okay.

all in all i enjoyed my dining experience at winnings. i give winnings a 3.2

Je sais quoi

2005-08-02T17:53:00.000-06:00

Let me help you Dr. Green Chile Mambo. That certain "je ne sais quoi" you found missing from your burrito, was in fact, visible, palpable, caressable (but don’t touch your eyes) GREEN CHILES. What’s with the stingyness on green chiles in the state that has them growing off of trees so to speak? I mean can you even walk down the street without slipping on one and everyone pointing and laughing at you?

The green chile is to New Mexico what mustard is to Dijon and if somebody were stingy with mustard to me in Dijon I would say “Qu’est-ce que c’est, salope?” which translates roughly to “WTF, Mofo?”

I will grant them this, that the burrito did seem to be “infused” with a green chile flavor which greatly increased its tastiness but “infusion” is for parfumeries and opium dens. That’s right, you heard me, opium dens.

Now here comes the part where I soften my tone and become reasonable. Other than the reprehensible withholding of the green chiles, it was a good burrito. I ordered the no-frills, non-smothered, because I wanted to see what they could do with the basics. Kind of like judging any dinner restaurant on their standard green salad. And let me tell you, it was basic. No pyrotechnics there. But it was solid--moist (most of the way) and tasty and fatter than a jelly roll (which reminds me, who wants to defect and start a jellyroll club?)

As for RB Winnings, the establishment, I love it and I hate it. I love it because everybody there is ultra-cool—it’s an intellectual hive and artists’ dive—and I hate it for the same reason. If I go in there alone I feel that I must be writing a novel, creating art brut with my napkin, or holding a book with po-mo cachet (Pynchon or Delillo for instance). And if I would happen to take Pride and Prejudice in there I would have to also be wearing a shirt that said something like “Bite Me Jane Austen” or “What are You Staring At? I’m Deconstructing.”
Now I could take in My Friend Flicka probably and that would be cool because it’s campy, but I couldn’t take in Victor Hugo. I mean, a book by Victor Hugo. If I could take in the person Victor Hugo, everyone there would fall prostrate at my feet on the floor.
And if Victor Hugo would have been ordering me a café au lait, than perhaps the baristra might have been a bit less bitchy. Instead of refusing to give me a receipt, she might have said, “Gee, I really liked that part where Jean Valjean puts his fist through the bakery window and steals a loaf of bread, hee hee, I mean, that was, like, so sad.” But that isn’t how it went down. It went down like this:

Me: So, can I have my receipt then?
Her: Um...(pretends to think about it) No.

End scene. I kid you not. She withheld my receipt. Without even the charade of professional regret. Without explanation, without apology.

So my ratings:
Burrito-3.0 out of 5

Atmosphere- big impasto paintings, hard-wood floors, airy, well-lit-- 3.5

Service-I just bloody wanted a receipt-- 1.5 (slight compensation for speedy delivery)

Company-4.5 (cuz now I’m thinking about Victor Hugo, which, I’m sorry guys, you just can’t compete).

And for Jen-- happy to see you made it home OK. I have, at my leisure, come up with some very respectable, evocative names that you are welcome to borrow. Names like: Huckleberry St. John, Alexandreta LaCroix and Toffee Buttoneyes. I think they all exhibit a certain degree of class that would only serve to raise your stature and esteem on this board.

Adieu sweet tasters and remember:
It’s good on toast,
Marmalade

Super Scramble

2005-08-02T10:36:00.000-06:00

Buffalo New York, Tuesday August 2nd, 12:37 Eastern Standard, Dad is rocking the stratacaster and yes, it comes in a tweed case plush with a gold velvet interior. (Dad: "And, it sounds as beautiful as it looks.") Hazy recollections of the albuquerque flying breakfast burrito club are teasing my consciousness like the color yellow. I am floating on the wings of sleep deprivation, I am sizzling in the frying pan like so many wipped eggs. Eggs, the mantra and center of Winning's breakfast burritto. Fine eggs, grated potato hash, a strand of melted cheddar here and there, a sign of green chili every fourth bite. Cheap coffee, sticky tables, decent art with pretentious titles: "A parrellel universe that Man Ray inhabits. 300$" All in all, a slightly better than mediocre experience.

Food: 3.There is alot to be said for an abundance of perfectly scrambled eggs, even if they lack those other important ingredients of the perfect breakfast burrito.

Atmosphere: 3. I don't care how many cool people go there, you're only ok without plastic fruit or other eccentricities. But 3, because the art was not avant garde but it was clearly better than most eateries can do.

Affordability: 3. I think it was a little pricey considering the lack of other BB ingredients, but again, great eggs.

Service:1. Thanks for putting the order in and bringing the food to the table. You've no idea how grateful...

Enthusiasm:3. We must pause here for the happy and the sad. Welcome, Bienvenidos and Karibuni to Gail and Steve. Arevaderche, Auf Wierdersehen, and Adios to Andy. Thanks for the real good times.

WINNINGS: COOLER-THAN-THOU MUCH?

2005-08-02T09:38:00.000-06:00

Judging R.B. Winnings breakfast burrito proficiency solely by their plain breakfast burrito, which I did indeed order, would not be fair. However, the plain breakfast burrito is a skeleton, a framework on which the better burrito (buritis breakfio deluxis winnei) hangs, and so serves as a study specimen. Sometimes the frosting gets in the way of really appreciating the cake itself. With this in mind, and assuming our rating scale to be out of 5 vertebrae, let us commence.

The Winnings Breakfast Burrito / Breakfast Burrito Deluxe:

TASTE: 3.3 / 3.5 – good taste all through, though not many apparent green chiles

TEXTURE: 3.0 / 3.4 – fairly homogenous, though moister at the beginning than in the middle. Deluxe solves the dry problem by smothering in cheese and chile salsa.

PRESENTATION: 0.8 / 3.3 – the plain BB had all the style of a gas station microwave burrito, while the smothered one had little choice but to look like someone had at least considered presentation for a second.

ATMOSPHERE: 3.5 – the fact that winnings opens its building up some nights to alternative uses like contra dancing, etc is sweet-awesome. A hip, young crowd hangs out there and the facility itself has high ceilings, simplistic décor, and high-speed internet. A lot of white noise makes for good studying, but not group discussions.

SERVICE: 0.4 – is this place so cool that there’s no need for the wait staff to put up any pretense of hospitality? One might think this would cost Winnings repeat clientele.

Healing the wounded

2005-07-23T21:53:00.000-06:00

the parable of the lost sheep.
let's all think about Aaron Carter for just one moment -- hot (*sigh*), gel-haired teen, bro to a backstreet boy, simultaneously dated Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff and, came out with some fairly embarrassing albums in the last 5ish years.
now, let's all meditate on the John Irving novels we've read (some of us have finished more then others, but really it's not a race) and think about those postmodern themes he takes his good-old-time time presenting.
and so i asked you, who will sit at god's table? is it not easier for a person who makes generalizations about fragmented, drawn-out novels to enter the kingdom of god than for a pop-star who receives record contracts off of his brother's popularity to pass through the eye of a needle?

"the baby jesus looks like he is about to cry," moans the talking monkey.

well then, the ratings for my Sat. home-made pancakes:
size: 2
flavor: outstanding
heat index: as bad as that time i tried to eat boiled cow utter
toppings: countless
family time: priceless

I love John Irving and Breakfast burritos, make no mistake about that

2005-07-22T16:28:00.000-06:00

So... the burritos at the chocolate cafe were mediocre, the interior friendly, though not outstanding. The service was fine. But what I really want to talk about is the John Irving comment. I'd like to echo what our fellow taster has said in defense of Irving- read more than one book per decade and then talk to me. Irving is one of the few things worth praise hailing from the States.

Anyway, curious about the Taos Burrito scene, but I am going to miss it if I don't get off the computer and out to the auto.
Ratings for Saturday July 16th, The Chocolate Cafe
"hand held" 1 egg breakfast burrito, meatless, veg green chili
Food: 2 - too much mashed potatoe sensation, where's my egg?
Atmospere: 3 - kitchy local paintings that I love, but lack of creativity in just about everyhting else
Service: 4 - fine, just fine. Did any of us remember to tip by the way?
Affordibility: 3- the hand held was a dollar cheaper, though still more costly than Buster's
Enthusiasm: 3 - we're doing better team, I believe we even have a potential theme song on the horizon.

Blogging to avoid Flogging

2005-07-22T12:46:00.000-06:00

Mr Red’s experience at Busters:
While the atmosphere and the service at Busters were more than adequate…lets face it folks…the burrito was not. The smattering of green chilies and the side of red chili (bullshit…says Mr Red…be honest and just call it salsa) did little to mask the bland contents of my breakfast burrito where the only real flavor resided in the seasoned sausage. So Busters…my advice is hire cooks that are competent…not just hot 20 somethings.

Atmosphere: 3 out of five red chilies
Burrito: 1.5 out of five red chilies

How the Chocolate Factory Treated Mr Red: Flashy and hip on the outside…a little mundane within: The bate and switch.
When I first spotted the stainless steel modern front of the Chocolate Factory from Central Ave I was immediately interested in what lay inside and a little worried about being able to afford whatever tastiness I might find within. However when the club visited last weekend I discovered my initial impressions were misguided…behind the snazzy store front resides a small mom and pop style establishment with reasonably priced food and a comfortable, if chach filled, atmosphere. Unfortunately this bate and switch game also applied to the breakfast burrito which arrived as a bundle of potential joy, as large as chachie the cat, bathed in beautiful red chili sauce, and steaming with possible goodness. Under closer inspection (dissection and careful taste analysis) I determined the guts of the burrito were as mundane as the interior of the establishment. Final analysis…great red chili sauce but spice up those eggs and potatoes.

Atmosphere: 3 out of five red chilies
Burrito: 3 out of five red chilies

Children of the Burrito Father

2005-07-22T10:17:00.000-06:00

I don't really know what the title of this post is all about. Basically I just wanted to stump people so that they would read my post.

Busters, Busters is an awesome place right on central that is very accommodating to large groups. The atmosphere is great, relaxed, spacious, and most importantly its chill. If the atmosphere at any burrito venue is not chill it is absoutly impossible to enjoy your burrito to the fullest extent of the law. So anyway, the pinnacle of the restaurants aura is the fountain that not only relaxes your mind so that you can focus more deliberately on your burrito tasting, but is also decorated with plastic vegetables, that's right PLASTIC VEGETABLES, need I say more. So for atmosphere I give Busters 4.5/5 beans.

As far as the Burrito itself goes, I wasn't really to impressed. It didn't taste bad or anything it just lacked a lot of flavor, really had too many potatoes and not enough eggs (which I'm not sure were real). So I give the breakfast burrito itself 2.5/5 beans.

Final Rating 3.5/5 beans.

Last Saturday we ate at Breakfast Lunch & Chocolate. The atmosphere here was pretty average, a small diner type place, pictures on the wall, not quite as accommodating for large groups but all around not bad. I'm going to go ahead and say that qualified as a chill place, but it did seem a bit crowded. Rating for atmosphere 3.5/5 beans.

The burrito was really pretty good. It seemed pretty well balanced and fairly homogeneous (which I like). The rating for the burrito itself gets 4/5 beans, though I ordered the huevos rancheros anyway which is a much better breakfast dish than any burrito ever could be.

Final rating 3.75/5

P.S. Holy Crap! Burrito isn't in this spell check.

there was a party in MY mouth

2005-07-21T17:34:00.000-06:00

now friends, i realize that part of being a taster in our quest for the best breakfast burrito, fame, and fortune means that we have to be brutally honest and we have to notice the yellow hue of the eggs and things of that nature. however, i'm a little concerned that this holy grail of a breakfast burrito can't be found if our expectations are too high. but then, maybe i'm just not made for this cut-throat business.

so yah, i really enjoyed bb#2. the green chile sauce was definitely the highlight for me, and it was enough to compensate for the not as flavorful middle of the burrito. the coffee is good, waitstaff is friendly, i'm a fan.

possibility of return: 5
for a breakfast burrito?: 4

J.I.

2005-07-19T16:33:00.000-06:00

ummm excuse me taster43, but exactly how many john irving novels have you read!?! in other ji news the onion has a review of his latest, until i find you. although i've yet to read the book, i agree with the writer's complaints about punctuation! and italics, which i have so lamely parodied here! anyway. nice job to first time posters covering two burrito stops. shame on those who haven't posted at all. and wahoo taos! also it's kinda funny that we've had some many names for the chocolate cafe. i guess they weren't very good at brand imprinting.

OK this is for two

2005-07-19T11:41:00.000-06:00

As I recall my first Breakfast Burrito tasting at busters, my mind wonders to an old but familiar place full of character and ambiance. Our Burrito tasting group sat outside in the covered porch seating area and enjoyed the waterfall ordained with wax or plastic fruit. I couldn't tell the difference because it was dusty. When the moment finally came to try our first breakfast burrito I took a moment to clear my mind and focused on the task at hand. I sneezed and took a sip of my black coffee to clear the pallet. After tasting the burrito at busters I was pleased but not so impressed. The eggs didn't seem to be so fresh and the green Chili on top was not altogether hot. However the meal was served hot and that added to my overall impression. So on a scale of 1-8 I give it a 4.

Now as for the Chocolate Bakery (Or at least I think that’s the name of the restaurant), Our group got to the restaurant at about 9:00 am and sat down around a nice mom and pop style eatery that happened to also bake their own breads, cookies and other things. The breakfast burrito's came in a variety of different options. I chose Carne adovada, but others chose vegetarian and sausage. Bacon is also an option. Except for a lack of seasoning, I thought this burrito was very well put together. The green chili was a sauce witch I prefer. I give this breakfast burrito a 5 out of 8.

Still questing for a burrito named desire...

2005-07-18T14:17:00.000-06:00

[please read in earnest-poet voice.]
one dirty martini, two slices of unsettling wal-mart black forest cake, and three restless nights later i'm still hesitant to blog about the chocolate cafe. perhaps it was the uber-earnest-freshman-style still-life's that cluttering the walls or the discussion about hogs as magical creatures (*see footnote) or the bland taste of my potatoes and eggs that sadly, made me feel rather mediocre about my chocolate cafe experience -- i'm not sure. i say sadly because i love the chocolate cafe. the kitschy clutter, friendly staff, and blue interior paint usually makes me feel at home...
but, i feel the burrito was lacking -- good, but not a-mazing. the sausage flavor was outstanding -- well seasoned and juicy, contrasting nicely with the bitter taste of my coffee. but the burrito as a whole was not fantastic; lacking any sort of specific character just as all John Irving novels lack different characteristics in their themes and plots.
maybe my standards are set too high, but i'm looking for a burrito with a flavor beyond the green chili flirtation -- something that causes a party in my mouth, stimulating all the tastebuds of my tongue, not just attempting to burn the front ones off...
"enough!" yelles the talking monkey.
and so, my ratings:
flavor: 3
presentation: 2
service: 5
Price: moderate, like my grandma's liberal voting status
Ease at which the AFBBC could sit at one table: 5
Presence of cheesy-elevator music: none to note
Coffee: 3
Gezellig?: i think perhaps a 3.7, maybe because we were all a bit more sleep-deprived this weekend...?

* on a side note, speaking of hogs -- the burrito was a hog of a portion and i suppose that here in the US that counts for something good...

ommm - burrito - ommm

2005-07-17T14:01:00.000-06:00

i love the chocolate cafe. laura usually gets the special, i get the breakfast burrito, and deb gets the chocolate raspberry pancakes. i end up getting a bite of deb's pancakes and a bite laura's croissant dipped in deb's ganache. so i get dessert with my breakfast burrito! and the coffee is freakin' great.

the breakfast burrito is quality, not fuckin' amazing, but quality. the tortilla works well as a non-assuming vessel for the filling, while the filling acts as its name suggests: it isn't spectacular spectacular, but it fills you up. the smothered chile and cheese on top give the breakfast burrito it's charm and kick. the chile is hot enough, quite tasty, and saucy enough to wash every thing down without feeling too heavy like gravy.

while the breakfast burrito isn't amazing - the potatoes and eggs both could use a little help - the price (4.29 - with a fullness factor of 5) and atmosphere make up for it. this week the cafe felt empty, but normally it's mostly full and exudes small town charm and homeliness. the first time i came to the chocolate cafe i thought, based on outside appearances, that it'd be a hip euro-pastry place. but there is nothing hip about the chocolate cafe which is why i love it so much. kitschy art adorns the walls while basic dinner style furniture provides the seating. you pay for your food at the cash register up front and the woman who works the register happily seperates the bill with some trouble but without complaint. our waiter even recognized some of us and we've only been there two or three other times! on a normal saturday the chocolate cafe would get a 3.9, but today with deb's new coif the cafe gets a solid 4.1

showbiz and the gang

2005-07-15T19:34:00.000-06:00

there is so much pressure to be witty, i can't handle it. seriously, i'm not going to say anything new here friends. next time i need to blog first before it's all been said and turned into a three act play. damnit.
buster's. next time i'm there i think i'll pass on the breakfast burrito and go for a gunther on an onion bagel. or i'll skip to lunch and have a europa, because i know they make tasty food, the burrito potential was there, it just fell a bit short. the sausage was definitely a bonus as was the price and presentation (very artistically impaled with a knife and served with a small green leaf). otherwise it was just sort of average, leaning towards bland. but buster's, i mean, good coffee, a nice selection of magazines, plastic fruit arranged on the patio fountain, and friendly, fast service by hip looking 20-somethings. it's fantastic.

ratings:
possibility of return: 5
for a breakfast burrito?: 1.5

Finally...

2005-07-15T14:08:00.000-06:00

Arriving late on the scene, very late, only a day away from our second meeting, I am able at long last to record the observations I made on Saturday July 9th, between 8:30 and 10:00 am at Buster's Cafe. From the exterior, Buster's Cafe is lack luster, another sun bleached block on the asphalt. I enter the cafe alone, having run to the Co-op for cash, through a door ringing, to face a growing crowd of customers seated and in line. I join the line. I give my order to a dishelvled beauty, a 20 something too good looking to care much about it. She is pleasant. She delivers my water and coffee immediately. My coffe mug is not hand made but I can see it is one of some ecclectic assortment of mugs much like you might find in a thrift store. I follow the gaggle of fellow tasters out into a screened patio with a seating area large enough to accomidate us. Mardi-gras beads hang from the ceiling and in the corner opposite of where I am eventually seated, is a water fountain framed with plastic fruit. I am reiminded of my Polish great grandmother, her treats and tea and her seasonal bowl of plastic fruit in the center of the table. I would play with the strawberries through long conversations between my mother and Irene.
I start my coffee and gaze around the table at all of us looking groggy. Soon my breakfast burritto arrives nestled on a white plate with a knife stuck through its gut, green chilli diced on its belly and a cup of red chilli on the plate beside it. Thus, the meeting begins. Our conversation is initially about the burrito- are the egges real or fake, and what does that mean? Is the red chili chili or salsa, and thank god we have it because, well, the burritto is not bad, no not for 3.25, but it's not good either. It just is. And that red dish of salt and spice, whatever you want to call it, it is all we had to go by. Later conversation turns to who we are and what we are doing: are we tired friends gathered for breakfast, or are we a group with clear and common goals, what are those goals and who do we achieve them?
As I prepare for tomarow morning, I am gripped with fear and trembling to realize- it could be worse than Buster's mediocrity. But I believe that it could also be better.

Rating:
Atmosphere 5
Service 5
Affordability 5
Food 2.5
Group Enthusiasm 2.5

have you blogged your ratings today!?

2005-07-13T11:03:00.000-06:00

well friends, countrymen, tasters, if you don't blog you will be flogged. i have a super-duper disk-throwing laser gun and i will use it if you don't post. is slacking the way to get an interview with ira glass? or have city, state, nation - wide recognition? or to justify a church offering for our funds!? i think not. let's go people, i mean really.

Buster's 66

2005-07-10T09:13:00.000-06:00

The Albuquerque Flying Breakfast Burrito Club:
a play in three short acts with 9 real characters and one fake talking monkey.

Orchestra tune. Curtain rise.
As tasters 39 and 40 discuss the beauty of smoked bacon in their burritos, tasters 41,42,43 talk of the sincerity (or lack there of) in the eggs – being and nothingness, pre-mix or fresh, some of life’s persistent questions.
Curtain. Audience applaud.
Taster 46 is impressed with her plate design because unlike the rest of us, she’s received a whole salad with her burrito. Taster 47 packs ½ of burrito in a plastic to-go container as taster 44 agrees the flavor is found only on the outside (i.e. green chilies and red salsa) where as the inside lacks even basic seasonings (i.e. salt and pepper).
Curtain. Audience applaud.
Tasters discuss costumes and transportation, commenting on the beautiful plastic fruit glued around the fountain. Taster 45 is commissioned to compose a sound track score. a logo is dreamed about as taster 41 longs for the AFBBC to have an interview with Ira Glass.
“Curtain,” shouts the talking monkey. Audience exit.

Ratings (on a scale of 1-5):
Flavor: 2
Presentation: 4
Atmosphere: Fantastisch!
Service: 5
Price: just right
Ease at which the AFBBC could sit at one table: 5
Presence of cheesy-elevator music: don’t really remember…
Coffee: a-mazing (but then again all coffee is a-mazing when you’ve just woken up and are forced to socialize
*Gezellig?: I mean, with the beads and the fountain how could it not be gezellig.

*gezellig in Dutch literally means cozy, but the word encompasses so much more then that – a warm room on a cold rainy day filled with friends and warm drinks that make everything rosy, that is gezellig! It’s more a word for the euphoric feeling you get when you’re having an a-mazing time with friends, merriment, and laughter.

Buster's 66

2005-07-09T09:57:00.000-06:00

The Albuquerque Flying Breakfast Burrito Club (AFBBC) had a successful start at Buster's 66. The blog may yet change in appearance... if anyone has any suggestions for changes (fonts, etc.) let me know. Yeah, and do the ratings however you want.

Despite the good times, the breakfast burrito was disappointing. The potatoes were in little boiled chunks, not crispy or seasoned. The eggs were rather flat and unremarkable. The tortilla was wrapped in on itself on the ends, making a section that was rather tough and undesirable. The chile was pretty good, although the lack of any sauce left the breakfast burrito feeling rather dry. The atmosphere was great, with speedy service and the price was very reasonable at 3.25 for a vegetarian breakfast burrito.

My ratings are: P - 2.5, E - 3.1, T - 2.5, C - 3.8, A - 4.3, Pr - 4.8. Overall - 3.5, a fun place to eat, but definitely not the best breakfast burrito.

Potential eating places

2005-07-05T18:34:00.000-06:00

Flying Star
Gold Street
El Camino
Hurricane's
South Valley (Dave)
Near Blue Dragon (Dave)